Monday, December 31, 2012

Day 11 - A Grace Place

"Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4"16

Thought for the Day:  God is asking me to go to a new place - a place of grace!

I remember the time in my life when my heart learned what brain knew...God's grace!  I wanted to plaster it on Facebook, "Why had no ever taught me this about God's grace?"  Sure I had heard the word used & I sung about it in the church choir.  To realize how merciful & gracious He is, well as much as my feeble mind is about to understand His mercy & grace.  It makes me sad when people talk about not being good enough yet for God, or they have made too many mistakes or even legalistic views telling other believers that they have ruined their testimony & God can't use them now.  SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?  No one is good enough that's what makes His grace so amazing!  He loves us even though, He knows our every word BEFORE we speak it, He knows our every action, our every motive, our every thought.  AND He loves us ANYWAYS!  How amazing is that!  Also, He is gracious to forgive us when we sin, His grace does not stop at salvation!

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, 
that saved a wretch like me.  
I once was lost, but now I see; 
was blind, but now I see.
T'was grace that taught my heart to fear.
And grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear,
the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils & snares,
we have already come.
T'was grace that brought us safe thus far,
and grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me,
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
as long as life endures.
When we've been here ten thousand years, 
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise,
then when we've first begun.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
that saved a wretch like me.
I once was blind, but now I see'
was blind but now I see."

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Day 10 - Why Do We Crave

"Do not love this world nor the things it offers you...for the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions.  These are not from the Father, but are from this world." 1 John 2:15-16 (NLT)

Thought for the Day: While Eve focused on the object of her temptations, Jesus kept His focus on God's truth.  What matters most to me? - Made to Crave Devotional

As we grow in our relationship with God, we long to know more about Him, to be in communication with Him & to be closer to Him.  This is why we crave.  However Satan wants to take a good thing God has given us & taint it.  So instead of craving God, we crave food & sex & material items & recognition.  Lysa asked  a tough, but smart question, "When we face our own cravings, will we be like Eve, focusing on our object of desire?  Or will we be like Jesus, pausing, reciting truth, and remembering what matters most?"  I hurt just reading that, because instances where I didn't pause & think it through.  Instead I did what I thought I wanted only to have to pay the consequences later...YUCK!  Yes, "yuck!" is my very mature response.  I so want to be the woman of God, He wants me to be!  I will be honest I know some Scripture, but I have not put in the work of memorizing verses.  This is something I am going to implement ASAP, so that when I'm warring with my flesh I can speak His Truth!


Saturday, December 29, 2012

Day 9 - Compromise vs. Promise

Today's posting regarding the Made to Crave Devotional is a little delayed because I overslept & raced over to my brother's house to let his dog out & feed her....thankfully there were no messes to clean up!!!!

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that [you] may have life, and have it to the full."  John 10:10

Thought for the Day:  What happens when you take the "com" off of compromise?  You are left with a promise.  A promise you are meant to live.

compromise:

  1. to expose or make vulnerable
  2. to make an unfavorable concession or indulgence
  3. to weaken
How many times have I compromised for a moment of pleasure & later had to deal with the regret???  It isn't fun to think about, but if I am going to be successful I need to examine my failures.

Friday, December 28, 2012

High to the Five Friday is HERE!!!!

Hello Everyone...I just realized that this is my last High Five Friday of 2012!

1.  On Monday my birthday boots arrived!!!!!  A friend had given me birthday money with specific instructions, that I had to spend it on a want.  Well I got on to DSW's website & I had $20 in coupons that I hadn't used so I ordered these boots :)  Now I know you are thinking, Mary your birthday was in October...they sent the wrong color so I had to mail them back...

2.  My dresser has finally been completed!

3.  I know this is silly, but I'm super excited to say that I have lost 14% of my goal.  I've been working on being a healthier me & of course it isn't just about the number on the scale.  But I'm excited nonetheless ;)

****I wanted to get the fun silly ones out of the way to make way for #4 & #5****

4.  I am grateful for my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ!  The celebration of His birth has been so very precious to me this year.  Focusing on that has lessened the pain of missing my parents during a time of year when everyone is talking about celebrating with their family & continuing family traditions.  On Christmas Eve night, my younger brother, aunt, cousin & her husband had dinner while "A Christmas Story" played in the background.  It was just tough.  The Lord has graciously provided encouragement, love & laughter through some amazing people he has placed in my life:
  • A sweet sister surprised me on Christmas eve with a sparkly "M"
  • I was able to enjoy dinner with a dear family that entered my life this year.  
  • I was able to spend sometime on Christmas & Thursday with the Smiths, I love this family more than words can say. 
  • A new friendship has sprouted this week.
  • I had the pleasure of experiencing ALBC's "Christmas for Everyone" service with one of my fave Christian brothers & his dad.  This same friend has provided a ton of laughs this week...I had no idea how much I needed them.
  • I have had the pleasure of hosting a couple that I adore this week.
  • I enjoyed coffee today with a sweet sister in Christ.
  • I came home to a note taped on my door, a friend had been in the neighborhood & wanted to say hi. (Being a guy it was taped with blue duct tape...gotta love it!)
"What is man that You take thought of him, and the son of man that You care for him?" Psalm 8:4 NASB

and last but certainly not least #5....
Today I have been smiling in remembrance of my mom, she would've been 53 today.  I had posted a status on Facebook about some of the things she liked.  My brother is his special way reminded of something about her I had forgotten.  Which that led to one dormant memory after another.  God blessed me with parents who were fighters.  They weren't perfect & I may have some stories that other people don't have about their parents.  However I can say that they taught me to fight, to claw if I have to, no matter what  don't let anything defeat you.  God has given me examples of strength, tenacity & perseverance through my parents.  These are qualities that I possess & am excited to see how God uses them through me not only this next year, but the rest of the race.

See y'all next year ;)

Day 8 - Isn't This Just a Small Thing

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And to be thankful."  Colossians 3:15

Thought for the Day:  My weight loss goal isn't a number on the scale.  My real weight loss goal is peace.

Today Lysa brought up gluttony as an "acceptable" sin.  How true is that?  Friends and I have talked about this subject before.  Why do we not talk about it?  Would we become super legalistic about food?  Why does the struggle with food have to be such a private battle?  Do we really take food addiction seriously?

To be honest I'm not sure how I would do at a church potluck if someone walked up to me & said, "Sweetie don't you think you should eat some fruit instead of that brownie?"  I think maybe that would hurt me more than any of the comments I have received over the years about my clothes, being single, or my strong personality!

So is our (as a society) struggle with food a small thing?  I'm going to have to say no, it isn't small.

Made to Crave Devotional

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Day 7 - Triggers

Here we are Day 7 of the Made to Crave Devotional:

"I pray that you...grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ...that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19

Thought of the Day: The only way to negate an emotional eating trigger is to match it with truth.

Last night I was talking with some friends about this devo & how I have been intentional about when I eat.  Asking myself am I really hungry or is there something else going on?  What surprised me was it was the husband who admitted to having times of emotional eating, the wife doesn't eat when stressed.  I don't know why I've assumed that this is more of a woman thing than a man thing.  A male example of food as love & support just came to mind, Joe Gargery would give Pip more & more gravy after his wife's verbal attacks on the young orphan in Great Expectations. 

Kind of off course of what I was planning on blogging about...I'm sitting here thinking about my relationship with food and it brought to mind memories of my childhood when I lived with my mom.

  • She would brag about how much I could eat.  Some of the guys that she dated would take me out to eat with them just to see if this little girl could really eat adult portions.  This was one of the ways I was taught that love is performance based...I know now that shouldn't be the case, but that took a long time to learn that lesson.
  • When I was stressed as a teen I wouldn't eat, it was consciously done, and sometimes I would be too busy at work & forget to eat.  I remember a manager pulling me aside & said that he and my co-workers were worried that I was anorexic & they were going to call my dad if I didn't start eating.  I was shocked!
  • When my mom died & dad was driving us out to the funeral we stopped at a truck stop to eat.   I wasn't hungry & he got upset with me about not eating and told me couldn't leave until I ate more of my dinner.  I was 18...lol.  But that became an issue between my dad & I until he died.  He would get suspicious if I wasn't eating & demand that I eat.
  • When my dad died, everyone was like "Eat!" or "Please eat something." or "You need the strength, eat."  The problem was I couldn't, I would take & a bit and my body wouldn't let me swallow.  I literally had to force some food down.  Even then it was a few bites.  The moment I remember being able to eat was after my dad's visitation & my friend was driving me home and I was SO angry, because of family drama.  We stopped at Chick-Fil-A and I was able to eat a whole chicken sandwich.  Which I paid for later (you get what I'm saying).
I guess I've had a bigger issue with food than I originally thought.  Wow, I'm really grateful for this devotional!  I'm going to be turning this over in my head, probably for the rest of the day!

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Day 6 - It's All in The Family

Hello Made to Crave Devotional: Day 6!

"The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children." Romans 8:16

Thought of the Day: We are only one good choice away from being back on the path of perseverance.  But no matter how far off the path or how long we have been on it, God is patient with us and loves us as a dearly beloved child - part of His family.

It amazes me how God puts things together.  Every day I have been reading the Jesus Calling Devotional & the Made to Crave Devotional, today they both supplied several scriptures regarding God's love for us!  I didn't even know how much I need to read those today.  I didn't have to fight food cravings on Christmas & Christmas Eve, as a matter of fact I did really well with food choices, portions & knowing when I was full!!! I did have to combat an ache in my heart & loneliness.  Even as I type this tears are coming to my eyes, because I miss my dad immensely.  On Christmas Eve my aunt wanted to take a couple of pictures & it just didn't feel right without him and my grannie there.  I knew the holidays would be hard this year, but they were harder than I thought they would be.  The funny thing about the loneliness is when that feeling has come on this holiday season I have wanted to retreat & be by myself.  I've had to force myself to get out of bed & get ready & go spend that time with family & friends.

I'm grateful for His love!  This past week I have been praying & asking the Lord for Him to fill the ache in my heart  & that I wouldn't turn to other sources of comfort.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Day 5 - Blessings Ahead

Merry Christmas!  Today is Day 5 of the Made to Crave Devotional:

"You know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work." James 1:3-4a

Thought of the Day:  Between any trial and the blessing that comes from that trial, there is a pathway I must walk - that pathway is perseverance.

P-e-r-s-e-v-e-r-a-n-c-e.  Mr. Webster defines perseverance: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failures or opposition.  I want to have the kind of perseverance to continue running the race of following God no matter what opposition I encounter.  I do truly want that, but I sit here smirking at myself & how many times I have tried the quick fix or a short cut.  I'm not talking just about diet & exercise, I can see this approach in many aspects of my life.  YUCK!  I'm grateful that my Heavenly Father is longsuffering & loves me despite Him knowing my every thought, word, action & motivation!

Monday, December 24, 2012

I'm kissing dating goodbye...


UPDATE 2/4/13
So here's what happen..lol...  I was talking with a couple of my mentors about this one year plan & they called me out on what I was really doing.  I know you are asking, "Mary what were you really doing?" Well I'm going to tell you...RUNNING!  Yes I was running.  See I struggle with feeling not good enough & by instituting this one year rule all I was trying to do was protect myself from being put in a situation where I wouldn't feel good enough.  Please continue to pray for me even though I am not on a dating hiatus because I have decided to stop being a chicken!







....for a year!  While baking today, I've been listening to Andy Stanley preach a series on dating, love & sex.  His main question is, "Are you the person, the person you are looking for is looking for?"  Ouch!  Lately I've been reading the book 48 Days to The Work You Love, one of the exercises in the book is to list every job & why you left.  That got me thinking about relationships as well.  What relationships have I participated in and why did they end.  For those of you who don't know me, my brain is constantly going.  One question or thought will lead to the other, and that will lead to another & another & another...I think you get the point!

So with the sermon series, the thinking of past relationships, an ex-boyfriend trying to reconnect with me, reading the book Boundaries in Dating, and a friendship that took a turn it shouldn't have.  I have had a lot on my mind!!!!  Regret, kicking myself for stupid decisions & words & actions, wondering why I seem to have Christian Guy Repellent, and something that two of my friends have said to me recently at separate times, "Is there something in these relationships that you are attracted to?"   At first I was like...No!  Why would I be attracted to drama, needy, and just down right exhausting relationships???? Why, who would do that???  Well the more I have thought about it I still don't have an answer, but what if they are right?

Pastor Andy Stanley suggests taking a year off of dating to work on being the person, the person I'm looking for is looking for.  One of the authors of Boundaries in Dating said that singles should look at a potential partner and think is this person worth giving up my amazing single life for?  I must say that I do enjoy my life, I have a great community of friends & I'm not sitting around all the time crying out to God, "Why am I single?!?!?"  I'm not downing pints & pints of ice cream watching chick flicks, feeling pathetic because I'm single. Sure, I do occasionally have moments of loneliness, but for the most part I'm good.  I do know that there are some areas in my life that need some work.  I've had to come face to face with some bad decisions I have made & I don't want to do those things again.  It is true that my sin & actions don't just affect me, they affect others...including my future husband!  Yuck!!!  Has God forgiven me YES!  However that doesn't get me out of dealing with the aftermath.

Please pray for me during this next year:

  • That God will show me the areas I need to work on.
  • That I won't allow a friendship to look like dating while trying to operate under the "friendship" umbrella.
  • That I will have the strength to last a year.
  • That I will learn to turn to God for comfort first!
Thank you so much for your assistance over this next year!!! To be honest I'm a little nervous to see what scenarios I will encounter!

Day 4 - Consider It

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds." James 1:2

Thought of the Day: Triumph in this choice will produce a blessing.

Today she pointed out that in today's verse we may not feel great joy in the middle of trials, but "we have to consider it."  It is a choice...period.  I will be honest in the middle of trials big or small I'm not always considering the joy.  I'm thinking what have I done to put myself in this situation?  What is God teaching me? How do I keep from get in this situation again?  How long will this last?  I do take comfort that whatever my trial or situation is, God wasn't surprised and He has a plan.  Good, better, best keeps running through my head!!!!  I want to have the self - control to make the better, best choice in any trial, not just with food.

Today's Prayer: Dear Lord, please help me when I feel tempted today.  Triumph in the this trial matters to me, and I desire to persevere with Your guidance.  Help me to consider the joy and choose the better option.  In Jesus' name. Amen.

Made to Crave Devotional

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Day 3 - The Right Questions

So today is number 3 in the Made to Crave Devotional, and it is a doozy.

"Peter and the other apostles replied: 'We must obey God rather than human beings!" Acts 5:29

Thought of the Day: I must obey God rather than the scale!

Today's timing couldn't be better because today was the day I was planning on buying a scale.  I'm still going to do that possibly tomorrow, if I'm daring enough to go out shopping on Christmas Eve.  After reading today's pages, I have been given a healthier perspective.  Yes the scale can give me an idea of how much weight I have lost, but it doesn't give me value.

Lysa shared some questions that she found on Karen Ehman's Blog:

  • Did I overeat this week on any day?
  • Did I move more and exercise regularly?
  • Did I eat in secret or out of anger or frustration?
  • Did I feel that, at any time, I ran to food instead of to God?
  • Before I hopped on the scale, did I think I'd had a successful week?
Thank you Karen!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Day 2 - What if I let God down?

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

In today's devotional she brought up that we can't separate the spiritual & the physical.  This is a truth that I know in my head, but it hasn't made it's way to my heart.  But it makes so much sense!  What I do to my body affects me spiritually and how I am spiritually affects me physically.  I am an image bearer of God & my body is His temple.  I need to keep these truths at the forefront of my mind!  I know that if these are my motivations & not just I want to fit into that dress again, then a healthier lifestyle can be a long lasting constant in my life.

A reader had written to her fearful that she could let God down.  At first I was scoffing at it, but then I realized I have that fear too.  Instead of using the words let down, I use disappointment & failure.  I am so very grateful that He loves us no matter what & forgives us & continues to give us chance after chance!!!

Friday, December 21, 2012

High Five Friday!

Hola Friday!  I'm linking up with Lauren for High Five Friday.  First a question, has your Facebook newsfeed caused you to sing R.E.M. all day??? No, just me...figures ;)

1.  Sunday night my church had a mortgage burning service, which was pretty groovy.  They gave an invitation for testimonies & I gave one.  It didn't seem so intimidating until the mic was in my hand and I was looking into a couple hundred faces!!!  I'm grateful and glad to say that God provided the words & none of my jokes got me in trouble...bonus!  Seriously though I serve an awesome God!

2.  A friend asked me to hang out & watch Fast Five...I love this series!!!  Every time I watch any Fast & Furious movie, it makes me wish I raced cars.  However the fact that my cars tend to attract other cars, makes me racing a very bad idea :(

3.  Look what UPS brought me!!!

4.  The Lord used a long car ride this week to speak some truth into my life!  I didn't want to go where I had to go.  I was annoyed that it was going to take soooooooooo long.  But no God had a purpose for that drive far beyond my physical destination!!!

5.  S.A.L.T. Movie Night @ my house!  We watched The Bourne Legacy, which was good, but I enjoyed the talking & hanging out before & after the movie best :D  They are a fun group!

Well that's all she wrote kids...good night!

Day 1 - Unsettle Me

The end of 2012 is quickly approaching & with that comes reflection of what I did with that time.  I see where I could have done more, grown more, read more, served more, pushed harder & of course could have wrangled my tongue more.  This year has brought quite a bit of loss, with the passing of my father.  That brings questions, would he be proud of my choices?  How would he have advised me to have handled this situation & that situation?  2012 has been a tough year & looking on the other side of it I see how the Lord has strengthened me through it.  However He has also shown some BRIGHT light on some areas of my life that need to be taken care of.

I'm the type that wants to fix everything at once, so I take on too much and quit shortly afterwards.  Albert Einstein, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."  Guilty!  I have decided to get off the insanity merry-go-round and try a different approach.

There have been some situations/relationships that God has convicted me about, that need to end/change.  I have severed one & am working on changing the other.  Of course I can't do that by myself (I have lone ranger tendencies), so I pray for help & guidance & healing and I have some sweet sisters that are holding me accountable as well.  Boundaries, this homegirl needs to not only create boundaries, but adhere to them!

Another area that God has shown me I need work in is the area of comfort as in, where do I turn for comfort instead of to Him?  One major place is food.  This is actually tricky because I'm not addicted to food & I'm not binging & purging, but there are times when I eat my feelings. No Buenos!  I want to be healthier & I want to be able to eat one brownie without wanting to eat twelve ;)

As I embark on this journey I have decided to start off with the Made to Crave Devotional 60 Days to craving God. Not Food.  I have also picked up the book as well, and I'm excited to get this started.  I'm using this blog as a way to keep me accountable for staying on track.

Day 1 - Unsettled

"Thought of the Day: Unsettle me in the best kind of way.  For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long - suddenly, a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul."

I want to be unsettled, because I want to be the woman God wants me to be!  The "distractions or destructions" have to stop pulling my focus away from my Heavenly Father.  He loves us so much, that we can't comprehend it!  That is exciting & I am tired of living a safe existence insulated by fear & insecurity. Period.

Friday, December 14, 2012

High Five Friday!

I hope y'all are doing well!  I cannot believe that it is December 14th!!!!  
Okay with that said let's get started:

1.  Monday I FINALLY was able to spend some time with my girl Lacy!  I love this sweet friend of mine dearly.  We drank coffee at Broadway Cafe, surprised a friend & enjoyed some yummy lunch at Blanc.

2.  We started the Radical Bible Study by David Platt on Tuesday night.  I enjoyed the discussion that the questions stirred up.  I'm intrigued & excited to see how the next 5 weeks go.

3.  My December Birchbox arrived!!!!  I can't wait to try the olive eyeliner...

4.  Thursday night I had the privilege of celebrating Christmas with my buddies Chris & Ross.  Ross made us a yummy dinner, we exchanged gifts & watched Elf!!!  The boys did good let me tell you, because I have been longing for one of these for months...

They may have enjoyed my gift (Nerf guns) to them just a little bit ;)

5.  My Discipleship partner & I finally were able to meet!!! With the craziness of our schedules & it being the holidays, I was concerned we wouldn't meet again till next year...LOL!  Also tonight some of us got together & played Apples to Apples (one of few board games I actually enjoy) and Battle of the Sexes which gave me the opportunity to demonstrate my lack of Charades skills...

I hope you have a great weekend!!!